![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
So I have another midterm...
Oct. 28th, 2007 10:54 pmAlthough my Latin teacher isn't calling it a midterm, just Exam Two. I'm pretty sure I'm going to suck that test up too. That will make me sad because I got a 94-point-some on the first exam. But We've picked up a lot more stuff since then with not enough time to really learn it. Maybe if I did the three hours study time a day thing everyone says you're supposed to do in college but I just don't want to. And because it's me, I won't do anything I don't want to do. Also, I don't really care enough about college to try that hard. I'm here only to appease my mother and we both know it. I will do just enough to get by, and trouble myself no more than that. If she doesn't like it, tough shit. She's the one going into debt for something I didn't even want in the first place.
I know that no one will understand this unless they take ADs themselves, but I didn't take my pill today so I have this strange sense of panic (about the midterm?) floating underneath everything else I'm feeling. It's kind of strange because it's not really affecting me but I know it's there. Actually it's sort of a reverse from how I usually feel when I don't drug it up. Usually I'm numb with the vague impression of emotions floating over top of it all. For those who don't understand how one emotion can float over top and another can be underneath I really can't explain it to you. It's just one of those things you either know what it feels like or you don't.
It makes me wonder what I'm going to feel like tomorrow when I can actually feel emotions to their fullest extent. Will I have a panic attack (god, I hate those) or will I be myself enough to deal with it? I guess until I know what's causing the panic I can't really say.
God, I can actually mention a panic attack in a sentence like it's totally blasé. What's it like, I wonder, to not have depression? Normal people don't have panic attacks on a regular basis right? I suppose that's unfair to myself. Normalcy is all really subjective anyway.
Hmm, looking back over that post I have obviously not gotten over things as much I thought.
I know that no one will understand this unless they take ADs themselves, but I didn't take my pill today so I have this strange sense of panic (about the midterm?) floating underneath everything else I'm feeling. It's kind of strange because it's not really affecting me but I know it's there. Actually it's sort of a reverse from how I usually feel when I don't drug it up. Usually I'm numb with the vague impression of emotions floating over top of it all. For those who don't understand how one emotion can float over top and another can be underneath I really can't explain it to you. It's just one of those things you either know what it feels like or you don't.
It makes me wonder what I'm going to feel like tomorrow when I can actually feel emotions to their fullest extent. Will I have a panic attack (god, I hate those) or will I be myself enough to deal with it? I guess until I know what's causing the panic I can't really say.
God, I can actually mention a panic attack in a sentence like it's totally blasé. What's it like, I wonder, to not have depression? Normal people don't have panic attacks on a regular basis right? I suppose that's unfair to myself. Normalcy is all really subjective anyway.
Hmm, looking back over that post I have obviously not gotten over things as much I thought.