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" IS better to be feared, than loved."

--Iracebeth of Crims

Be careful, flisters, the Queen of Hearts is on the prowl. OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!

To do

Mar. 31st, 2010 04:13 pm
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Since I haven't even worked on this damn thing since I put it up, I might as well repost it so I keep thinking about it. I actually manged to get a little done today.

  • HOWL 2.2
  • Subfic (subscriber fiction)
  • Voting Incentives
  • Some traditional ms work

I'm also thinking about updating my layout, maybe something in a queen of hearts theme...we'll see.


Mar. 28th, 2010 11:26 pm
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So, I've been having this interest in make-up recently. I don't really know where it came from, but lately it seems like something I'd like to try. Especially eyeliner. Part of that last is just that I think guys in eyeliner (the dubiously coined "guyliner") is just plain hot, so there's that. Not that it would look especially hot on me, but I guess you never know until you try.

And then there's the matter of acne. Since it doesn't seem inclined to leave me be any time soon I might as well start experimenting with concealer and what-not. *shrugs* I dunno. Maybe I'll even catalog my attempts on LJ. Wouldn't that be hilarious?

Watch one inept gay guy put goop on his face! Fun for the whole family! Hee, I could start a journal and call it man-up.

Okay, that's quite enough rambling for one evening.

EDIT: [ profile] manupproject Well there it is. Don't know that I'll do anything with it, but eh.
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Or listen to my music. I just signed up for a account and a Formspring account.
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So it's been over a month since my last posting, and am I making some big, grand return to the blogosphere? Nope! I just wanted to say that is freaking cool. It's twitter with music. Seriously.
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Sigh, I have zero motivation and there's a whole bunch of shit I'm supposed to be writing right now. There's no less than three submissions I wanna get done before early October, there's a chapter due on Monday, and I should have had a side story up HOURS ago.

But I'm just...blah. It's a weird feeling, I'm in a good mood, but I just don't wanna write. I have to get it together enough to get the side story up before the day is over. Good thing about refraining from laying down an actual time. Bad thing is I probably procrastinate more than I should. Unfortunately, that's just how I operate. I'm not one of those people who can make the words come if there's nothing there. Lots of authors give advice "just write" but I can't make it work for me. If the well is dry, digger deeper accomplishes nothing.

On a more positive note, I was fiddling around with some songs of mine from back when I wrote songs, and one I wrote just the other day when I was pissed, and recorded them to my computer. Just for shits and giggles mostly. Then last night just before I dropped off, I had a brain blast and more lyrics came to me for two different songs. That was kinda cool.

Maybe my muse got her wires crossed or something. It's less than helpful. Don't get me wrong, it's cool that music is moving in my head again, but I kinda have more pressing concerns.

So I'm gonna do something really mundane and ordinary, like take a shower and go for a walk or something, to try and jiggle the wires loose. Then I'll come back and see what's what. The side story must absolutely be up today, that is imperative. Can't take money for something and then not deliver. I also wanna do some work on those submissions. It would be insanely cool to actually sell a story of mine--even if it's not that much and I couldn't tell any of my family about it. *sweat drop*


Sep. 1st, 2009 08:57 pm
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Buwahaha! Why can't Americans be this funny?

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Note: This was copied wholesale from [ profile] alexandraerin

This has been making the rounds for a while now, but I feel that liberal/progressive/decent human being/healthcare reform blogs should be blanketing the interwebs with this recording... this is the "private option", folks. Healthcare is rationed right now. The free market is a rationing tool, but right now it's being rationed artificially by the need to support the profits of layers of management and middle men. Right now, our collective ability to afford health care is being impacted by our ability to pay for panels of non-medical people who make life or death decisions for us*.

If the government operates a public insurance plan as a tax-supported non-profit entity, those same decisions will be made, and while money will come into it, it will not be with an eye towards maximizing profit, pleasing shareholders, filling corporate coffers, etc., which is how it's made now.

This isn't Underpants Gnome territory. HMOs and private insurers maximize their profits in two ways: by increasing the money they take in and by decreasing the amount of money they pay out. The free market will thus tend towards higher cost for less service. What are we going to do? Negotiate with them? Boycott? We have no real options which is why there is no real competition.

Thanks to Richard Nixon's odd combination of crippling paranoia and overweening arrogance, we have the tape where he listens to John Ehrlichman laying out the model of our current health care system: charge people money and deny them service. That's what we have now and as they say dans la belle tech industry, it's not a bug, it's a FEATURE. This was planned.

This was done to us, and we're all suffering for it.

Even if you've got health coverage now, even if you feel you can afford to pay for your own medical care, a healthy population directly benefits you.If your neighbors are healthier, you're healthier. If everybody's healthier, the nation is stronger. Right now we're dealing with diseases when they become outbreaks and dealing with chronic health problems when they become life-threatening.

This puts all of us in danger and it costs all of us money. Think about everybody who doesn't go to the doctor when they get flu symptoms because they can't afford to go if it's just the sniffles, think about everybody who has a preventable heart attack or stroke or seizure while operating a motor vehicle. Prevention is cheaper than cure, and safer for society.

Some Republicans like to inject the image of Ronald Reagan into this conversation and say that government is the problem, not the solution. Well, I'm willing to concede a point when they have one, and they do have one... because the government's fingerprints are all over this one. It's time to hold them accountable and make our government undo this heinous crime that was perpetrated against us. The late Senator Edward Kennedy fought this, he fought for public health care in the 70s, and he lost... on the rightwing blogs right now, there are people who are saying--in response to the push to pass healthcare reform in his name--that we can lay the creation of the HMO system and the current flaws at his feet.

Folks, there are an awful lot of sentences one can start with the words "Ted Kennedy was not a good ____________.", but this is not his doing... and even if it were, that shouldn't matter. We know the system doesn't work as it is. Seriously ill people who can't afford pain pills are being told in breathlessly horrified tones that if we went so far as even adding a public health plan then they'd be given pain pills and be told to go home and tough it out.

And a lot of people are buying it.

Way too many.

Canada's ongoing management problems do not flow inevitably and naturally from their decision to make sure that all the citizens of a modern, first world economy with a first class economy have access to doctors for preventive care. People point to the fact that the UK lags behind the US in cancer treatment like this is some damning blot on their system.

People, we are the United States of America.

It shouldn't be remarkable that Britain lags behind us in cancer treatment. It shouldn't be worth mentioning because they should be lagging behind us in everything. We should be leading the world instead of lagging behind it. The fact that this statistic exists and gets bandied about so much is itself a symptom of how sick our system is.

Do people think we're going to lose all our cutting-edge cancer research and experimental treatments and highly trained specialists if we change the layer of finance-arranging entities that stand between us and our doctors? No. All the stuff that makes us better on cancer is still going to be there.

Anyway, listen to the audio... and please post, link, share. This should be everywhere. This should be the answer to talk of rationing and talk about the power of the marketplace... I believe in the power of the marketplace, but once of its biggest powers is generating money, and that's what's being done now.

If food or shelter or clothing or water or any other basic human necessity were being controlled the way health care is right now, we'd be rioting in the streets...but because our need for health care is seen as sporadic and something we can avoid the need for if we're lucky or make the right decisions, we put up with the intolerable.

Share this audio. If you're active on any major progressive blogs, push it. If you engage with conservatives, push it... don't let it die until Richard Nixon is the voice and face of the "private option".

Let's do it to it, folks.

You can post this to your own journal here:

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It has been an interesting few weeks. When the girls and I went on the trip, I told my father we would be back from the trip on Wednesday, and then I would make back up to where he lives when there was time for someone to take me. Now, my father apparently does not remember this, which is unsurprising as he can't remember conversations as he's having them.

I was in charge of watching my older sister's children, which my father and step-mother have taken in, during the day. However, when my dad is home from work (he works a week on and a week off) he watches them, plus my step-mom had two days of vacation she had to take anyway. Well, my father wanted me home by that Monday, as he would leave home the previous Wednesday. Leaving the children unattended as long as I was gone.

Now, I told him I'd see what I could do, but my mother and aunt were going out of town that weekend, which I hadn't known. My brother was supposed to drive me back, and he asked me if he could go school shopping with his friends on Saturday. I told him that was fine. Well, my sister tells me AFTER my brother has already left that they can't meet me on Sunday because they have to go in for work to make up for time that they would miss on Monday. So then they had to "find something to do" with the kids.

It was also the older child's birthday last Friday, which I forgot to call for. That's entirely my bad. But apparently my father is so "thoroughly pissed off" about "[my] attitude" that if I don't "figure it out" I should make arrangements to move my stuff from his house and kiss my cell phone goodbye. Neither of things would be the end of the world, but both of them would be annoying. I'd survive though.

If my father thinks that threatening me with homelessness (which is rather stupid when I'm sitting in my own bedroom at my mother's house) will somehow frighten me into acting as he wants, he's got another think coming. My-way-or-highway bluffs don't work on me, I'll hit the road right now. I am an adult, and he will not tell me when to come home.

Now, yes, I should have put more research, apparently, into the trip before I left. I didn't mean to leave them hanging, but it's not like the kids went unattended. Obviously they found somewhere to stash them, so it may have been inconvenient, but it's hardly a natural disaster. I simply cannot understand why they're making it as big of a deal as they are. The children are fine and life goes on. Trying to bluff his way into my good behavior will only end badly for him.

I will not be pushed, or coerced. If he wants to match his will against mine, I will win. Period. I'd have to find someway to pay for my own cell phone service, and the only reason I'd even hesitate would be because of what might happen to my writing rate if I had an "actual" job on top of it. But real life must come first, and if I have to slow the writing down for awhile to keep up a job then so be it.

But I will not be treated like a child, and I will not be threatened. I tempted to send my phone back to him in a box with note attached: "Send my belongings to return address."
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I was browsing this music lovers comm and they have this meme about posting your top twenty five most played songs. I thought that was interesting, so here we go.

25. "Memories" Eisley--played 84 times
24. "Lace and Leather" Britney Spears--85
23. "Candle (Sick and Tired)" The White Tie Affair--86
22. "Red High Heels" Kelly Pickler--88
21. "Vicodin" Terra Naomi--90
20. "Striptease" Hawksley Workman--90
19. "Whatcha Think About That (feat. Missy Elliot)" Pussycat Dolls--92
18. "Marvelous Things" Eisley--103
17. "Invasion" Eisley--103
16. "Circus" Britney Spears--103
15. "Boys with Girlfriends" Meiko-- 104
14. "Up Here" Terra Naomi--112
13. "I'm Happy" Terra Naomi--116
12. "Don't Trust Me" 3OH!3--118
11. "Telescope Eyes" Eisley--120
10. "I Hate This Part" Pussycat Dolls--122
9. "Singles Ladies (Put a Ring on It)" Beyonce--126
8. "Say It's Possible" Terra Naomi--128
7. "LoveGame" Lady Gaga--129
6. "Because the Night" Patti Smith--132
5. "If U Seek Amy" Britney Spears--142
4. "Break the Ice" Britney Spears--144
3. "Just Dance" Lady Gaga--146
2. "Not Sorry" Terra Naomi--161
1. "Womanizer" Britney Spears--169

So, I find it interesting that my tops songs are either mindless girl-pop like Britney and Pussycat Dolls, or intense singer-songwriter like Eisley and Terra. Schizophrenic, who, me?
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Focused Regan is also a little scary. Sexyscary, is that a word?
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Okay, so I have to do laundry in order to have anything to wear today. I have a new shirt and a new pair of pants I bought while on the girl power trip, but I didn't really wanna wear them for no reason. But I don't wanna sit here naked while my laundry is running. Le sigh, as the dear Zappaz says.

Also, writing. Must get new chapter written, but when I actually sit down to do it I don't think it will be a problem because it's moving really good in my head right now. Focused Regan is sexy.
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One of the things that sets me apart from my friends is that I almost never remember my dreams. All of the people in my close inner circle have fairly regular dreams that they remember. I don't. I never really have. Part of that, I believe, is my aversion to nightmares.

When I do have bad dreams I can usually remember them. It's always the unsettling ones that cling to my mind (such as the straight men who picked on me in middle school tied naked to the fence by our PE teacher) never the more mundane or ordinary ones.

For instance, I can still remember this dream I had years ago, though I can no longer remember what age I was when I had it. I can even remember the green-tinged black and white colors of it, and that it involved a bubbling witch's cauldron that would change the gender of anyone dipped into it. Rather tame, really, as far as nightmares go, but I remember it scaring the shit out of me.

Last night/this morning was a similar case. I was dreaming that I had a split personality, and that the alter ego was a serial killer named Moe. He would signal the take-over of our shared body by saying "Moe is angry!" and then almost immediately killing someone. My mind provided Hollywood-esque visual clues as to when Moe was in charge by giving him a white face with blue marks spreading from the side of his lips. Other odd imagery filled the dream, such as an abundance of grainy mirrors and bow-tie tuxedos.

It sounds rather silly to describe out loud, but it was seriously scaring the shit out of me. I kept jerking myself awake to avoid returning to the dream.

Bad dreams have always been a thing for me. When I was the praying kind, I used to pray specifically for "good dreams or no dreams." I wish I was kidding. What's interesting about that prayer is that whatever effect it may have had has apparently continued long past the time I continued to say it. To this day my sleeping mind is blank, unless punctuated by the odd nightmare. My inner atheist remains unconvinced about what this means.


Aug. 6th, 2009 03:03 pm
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Twitter is having problems, so I can't successfully change my design settings. It's way aggravating. The links are this salmony-crimson color that I thought looked good last night, but I must have been on CRACK because it looks AWFUL. I was going to change it to a nice aqua green to go with the cool blue already there. But NOOOOO. That would be too fucking easy, wouldn't it?
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Someday I will write an epic political satire novel. It will be about the angels overthrowing the rule of Jesus and instituting democracy in heaven. And it will be genius.
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Wow, things are tense around here. Apparently just existing is pissing my step-mother off at the moment, and I have no idea what I did because we normally have a pretty good relationship. We have similar personalities and humor, and normally mesh well. Maybe things are just tense all around. I dunno.

In other news, my older brother came over today and tried to teach me to play poker. I think I'm getting it, but I'll let you know how much I remember the next time I have to play! Lol.

Oh, and do ignore the melancholy tone of my last post. That was a bad headspace I was in last night.

Also, I want a white iphone so bad I cannot even tell you. I would sacrifice a puppy if I thought it would improve my chances. Two puppies! ...And a kitten! Not that we get AT&T service in the middle of bumfuck Wyoming, but good GOD they are GORGEOUS phones.

Ah, well. Such is life.
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And green is the color of my true love's eyes
I love the bed whereon he lies
A kinder heart you never will find
And I will gladly give him mine
Green is the color of my true love's eyes

I want someone to love me like that. I also want to stop being cynical and be the happy and sweet boy I used to be, but that's not happening either.
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Everyone must read this! It's brilliant, and hilarious to boot. Le click.
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I came across a link the other day to a series of stories about a female-to-male transsexual who liked men. I don't know why, but that whole concept blew my mind. A gay male transsexual. It was one of those things that hadn't quite occurred to me before. Is it because of some lingering threads of my formerly religious brainwashing? I mean, a transsexual is one who is born in the wrong body. So to make things "right" he/she transforms to the other sex's body. It's an effort to put things the way they should be. Do I still retain so much backlogged religion that I parse "the way things should be" as automatically girl-on-boy?

It's a depressing thought, and I'm afraid of what truth it might contain. Religion is a culture, and like all culture it makes up parts of you no matter how much you might want otherwise. I say things like "there is no right, only what we like" all the time, but there are still little secret parts of me that don't quite believe it. Will it always be that way?

I severely hope not. But how does one completely wash the unwanted aspects of a "former" culture away? One can't. Even by immersing oneself in a new culture, there will still be those perceptions and defaults that remain of the former.


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