It will probably shock no one to say that I have a lot of weird hang-ups.

[sethgray]

One of the things that sets me apart from my friends is that I almost never remember my dreams. All of the people in my close inner circle have fairly regular dreams that they remember. I don't. I never really have. Part of that, I believe, is my aversion to nightmares.

When I do have bad dreams I can usually remember them. It's always the unsettling ones that cling to my mind (such as the straight men who picked on me in middle school tied naked to the fence by our PE teacher) never the more mundane or ordinary ones.

For instance, I can still remember this dream I had years ago, though I can no longer remember what age I was when I had it. I can even remember the green-tinged black and white colors of it, and that it involved a bubbling witch's cauldron that would change the gender of anyone dipped into it. Rather tame, really, as far as nightmares go, but I remember it scaring the shit out of me.

Last night/this morning was a similar case. I was dreaming that I had a split personality, and that the alter ego was a serial killer named Moe. He would signal the take-over of our shared body by saying "Moe is angry!" and then almost immediately killing someone. My mind provided Hollywood-esque visual clues as to when Moe was in charge by giving him a white face with blue marks spreading from the side of his lips. Other odd imagery filled the dream, such as an abundance of grainy mirrors and bow-tie tuxedos.

It sounds rather silly to describe out loud, but it was seriously scaring the shit out of me. I kept jerking myself awake to avoid returning to the dream.

Bad dreams have always been a thing for me. When I was the praying kind, I used to pray specifically for "good dreams or no dreams." I wish I was kidding. What's interesting about that prayer is that whatever effect it may have had has apparently continued long past the time I continued to say it. To this day my sleeping mind is blank, unless punctuated by the odd nightmare. My inner atheist remains unconvinced about what this means.

Comments

[charisstoma.livejournal.com]

When I was young I taught myself a technique that helped with nightmares. I took control and changed it. Start with small changes maybe adding super powers to yourself or a weapon that you manifest in the middle of the dream.. surprise. Use something to take the edge away from the tormentors. After a while you direct the dream and confront and vanquish the issues that you are facing in your nightmares.

[jupiterrhode.livejournal.com]

This has never worked for me. The awareness of the dream as a dream only ever happens when I'm not having it. Maybe it's the writer in me, but while I'm "in" the dream it's like the same level of participation as any other narrative. It will do what it wants, and all I can do is watch.

It's not an issue that comes up often, my dream output is rather low. But when it does happen it seriously freaks my shit out. As a creative person, I don't like not being in control inside my own head. My imagination always runs wild, but while I'm awake I can direct it. While I'm dreaming, I almost never can.

[yahrlan.livejournal.com]

*hag-huggles my poor fag*

[jupiterrhode.livejournal.com]

*is hag-huggled* It's okay, just the usual weirdness of my mind.

[geckoholic]

You're not alone about not rembering your dreams, I usually don't, too. Also, unless it was a nightmare . . . Bahh!

Well, me being quite an atheist myself, I'd say it's more something like conditioning yourself . . . But I might be wrong . . . ;-)

[jupiterrhode.livejournal.com]

Wow, I knew there was a reason I liked you. ^_^

[yahrlan.livejournal.com]

You know, most of the dreams I remember are freaky-weird at least, Seth (demon...ugly nasty vampire...)
I think that's just normal for people that don't usually remember dreams...You remember bad experiences more than good...

[jupiterrhode.livejournal.com]

You may have something there.

But it's weird because I sorta kinda remember this one dream I had a few nights ago. It involved me at church (shudder) because Zak was back from his mission (which is true, it's been two years since we got out of school! Crazy) and he was suddenly an amazing piano player. I guess it's possible something immensely evil happened afterwards, but mostly it wasn't very nightmare-ish.

Oh, wait. I was at church! Yes it was!

[yahrlan.livejournal.com]

*huggles and hisses at holy iconography* but there was Zak... =^o.o^= That redeems things...lol
Whoa...two years...doesn't seem real...

[jupiterrhode.livejournal.com]

Lol, I know for sure. I saw him at the library the other day. His hair was short, and it was weird.