People that ruin it for the rest of us

[sethgray]

Okay, so I think this is so ridiculous I have to get it off my chest. Recently there was a bit of an issue on one of my new friend's fics. Someone responded to this friend's use of the endearment "baby" in a negative way. Let's ignore the fact that this commenter expressed her displeasure in a rude way. That's not really the issue here. The issue is her preposterous claim that using an endearment like that somehow demeans or "emasculates" when used for a man.

My objections to that are manifold. First off, the claim has no real basis. People in close relationships call each other "baby" all the time. It doesn't even have to be a romantic type relationship. My father calls me baby, my aunt calls me babe, my best friend calls me babe. Oh, and by the way? I'm a guy, and I've never once felt like they were demeaning me.

Secondly, it almost seems that there's a bit of homophobia behind this claim. There is an ancient misconception that one person in a gay relationship is "the woman" and it appears to me that she didn't want that to be applied to the character. Which, fine, I get that. However, if there's no woman in a gay relationship then why even worry about it? Two men in love can refer to each other however they please, and if you have an issue with that than it's YOUR issue.

Third, if the partners were opposite sexed, no one would even bat an eye. Women call men baby and no one cares. It's not even an issue. Again, the point is that people who are close to each other call each other stupid, cutesy shit like that. In fiction, it's meant to imply closeness between the characters. Any emasculation behind the endearment is clearly in the commenter's own head.

As a man, I would never have an issue with this. I never HAVE had any issue with it. The whole thing seems patently ridiculous, and it saddens me that people are buying into such obvious bogus.

Apparently it's gone so far, that people are even putting the warning "endearment" in the warnings section of fiction headings now. The last time I checked, the warning section was to make sure that the fic didn't have anything outside your kinks. Calling the person you love by an affectionate pet name is not kinky.

So, as a gay man let me state firmly that no emasculation occurs. People call the person they love "baby." Get. The fuck. Over it.

Comments

[softbluebuddy.livejournal.com]

Nicely put.

I was sharing with the same friend the other day the situation that made me almost quit writing and posting. And it didn't have to do with an endearment. Someone completely jumped my shit for an entirely different situation having to do with m/m and wincest and pretty much suggested I should go to hell and how dare I make Dean do those things to Sam, blah blah blah.

You know, if someone doesn't have something nice to say they should keep their mouth shut.

And, hell no, I am not ever going to put a warning on my fic for endearments. No fucking way, baby. Not gonna happen.

I think every chapter of every fic I have ever written has at least one use of the word baby. And you are absolutely right, they are ways of expressing love, to make the other person feel loved and cherished. What difference does it make if it is two men, two women, or a het couple? Seriously, if you love and cherish someone you are going to use endearments when speaking to them.

I have been married a long fucking time and I only use my husbands name maybe half of the time. The other half of the time I call him by some *endearment* and I sure as hell am not gonna put an endearment warning on my house. Fuck that, baby.

[jupiterrhode.livejournal.com]

Lol, that last line had me laughing. I could just picture a fic header on the door of your house. *lulz*

[zapkilikan.livejournal.com]

I have nothing to add that you have not already pointed out, except, simply, "Well said."

[jupiterrhode.livejournal.com]

It's kinda ranty, actually, but thanks. Lol.

[philippos42.livejournal.com]

What? Isn't "baby" as a term of endearment (which is totally unremarkable in the mouth of either half of a het relationship) almost a stereotypical thing with fictional gay (male) couples? At least if in a highly affectionate relationship?

[jupiterrhode.livejournal.com]

How is it stereotypical? It's used frequently in real life, as you say, and it is pretty normal as far as endearments go.