People that ruin it for the rest of us

[sethgray]

Okay, so I think this is so ridiculous I have to get it off my chest. Recently there was a bit of an issue on one of my new friend's fics. Someone responded to this friend's use of the endearment "baby" in a negative way. Let's ignore the fact that this commenter expressed her displeasure in a rude way. That's not really the issue here. The issue is her preposterous claim that using an endearment like that somehow demeans or "emasculates" when used for a man.

My objections to that are manifold. First off, the claim has no real basis. People in close relationships call each other "baby" all the time. It doesn't even have to be a romantic type relationship. My father calls me baby, my aunt calls me babe, my best friend calls me babe. Oh, and by the way? I'm a guy, and I've never once felt like they were demeaning me.

Secondly, it almost seems that there's a bit of homophobia behind this claim. There is an ancient misconception that one person in a gay relationship is "the woman" and it appears to me that she didn't want that to be applied to the character. Which, fine, I get that. However, if there's no woman in a gay relationship then why even worry about it? Two men in love can refer to each other however they please, and if you have an issue with that than it's YOUR issue.

Third, if the partners were opposite sexed, no one would even bat an eye. Women call men baby and no one cares. It's not even an issue. Again, the point is that people who are close to each other call each other stupid, cutesy shit like that. In fiction, it's meant to imply closeness between the characters. Any emasculation behind the endearment is clearly in the commenter's own head.

As a man, I would never have an issue with this. I never HAVE had any issue with it. The whole thing seems patently ridiculous, and it saddens me that people are buying into such obvious bogus.

Apparently it's gone so far, that people are even putting the warning "endearment" in the warnings section of fiction headings now. The last time I checked, the warning section was to make sure that the fic didn't have anything outside your kinks. Calling the person you love by an affectionate pet name is not kinky.

So, as a gay man let me state firmly that no emasculation occurs. People call the person they love "baby." Get. The fuck. Over it.

Comments

[jupiterrhode.livejournal.com]

It's kinda ranty, actually, but thanks. Lol.